


Pants on Fire

by No_this_is_not_a_good_username



Category: Twilight Zone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:34:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25635151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/No_this_is_not_a_good_username/pseuds/No_this_is_not_a_good_username
Summary: Something interesting happens on December 30, year 3508.





	Pants on Fire

_Scene setting: Three men sitting around a table playing Poker. J is the dealer. The date is December 29th, 3508. S walks in._

"Deal me in, J", said S.

"Damn J! Why'd you let him come? He never....plays....fair!", G stated.

"He will today G. We have a deal."

"A deal, you say? With him? Are you crazy?!", G inquired.

"Ever the optimist, aren't you G?", interjected S sarcastically, "Yes, I made a deal with J."

"What are the conditions of the deal, and to what end have they been made?", G asked.

S curtly replied.

"The conditions are this.... We play poker thrice and we cannot alter our own hands to give us an advantage. At the end of three rounds a winner and loser shall be declared. These will be the individuals out of us with the most, and least, money respectively. The loser shall owe the winner a favor, of their choosing."

"Hmm...That doesn't sound to bad.........but, what do you want if you win S?

"At the moment I win, if I do win of course, I will let you know that G.... and not.... a moment......sooner."

An awkward silence took place, until J informed G and S that it was time to "place their bets"

**Three Rounds Later**

"I don't quite believe it.", stated G in disbelief, "I have lost."

"And I have won", S added, "fair.....and square."

"Well, I suppose a deal is a deal S", stated G with the least amount of enthusiasm humanly possible. "Now, I believe it is time for you to reveal to me the favor you need."

At that moment, S slid a note across the table with his sole demand for G to read.

He did so, and responded with, "You're joking right, S".

"Not in the slightest, G, not in the slightest...."

_(Break Scene)_

_Setting: The next day, Dec. 30th. J is alone in a control room observing those under his command._

"Um...G....you better get in here.", said J nervously, "something weird is going on."

"What's wrong J?"

"Well, G.....I was sitting here, minding my own business, and keeping watch over Times Square as you asked, when all of a sudden a guy came on to my screen....pants aflame."

"His pants were on fire, you say?", inquired G.

"Yes, sir. And he is not the only one. I am currently counting at least 100 individuals in Times Square with their pants on fire, and larger amounts than that in both Tienanmen Square and Paris. In fact, if what I am seeing is correct.....there are lit people all over the world at this very moment." 

"Ok, well keep me posted on the status of these individuals J, and let me know if they are in the same status of "lit" ness tomorrow."

G made an effort to leave in a hurry, but stopped at the sound of J speaking.

"Before you go sir, may I ask you a rather forward question?"

"I believe you just did J."

G had his hand on the door knob to the control room.

"I am surprised, Sir. I am the surprised by the fact that you are not nearly as surprised by this as I am. So, please tell me, did you know about this? Do you know what's going on?"

G took his hand off the knob.

"Unfortunately, I think I do....", said G resolutely. "Sit down, and I'll grab you a drink. Then, I'll tell you what I know."

G left and returned with drinks for himself and J, sat himself down, and began.

"It all started as we finished our thrice game of poker."

"As you may remember, I lost and S won. Therefore, I owed him a single favor. S wanted me to know his favor in advance, so he slipped me a note across the table."  
  
"What did the note say?", inquired J curiously.

"It said...."

_(Break Scene)_

_Setting: Flashback to end of poker game. J has left the room. S has just slid a note across the table. G is currently reading that note._

Dear G,

I know I am not your favorite person...that you think I am neither honorable enough to make a pact with or play a round of poker with. However, I also know that you are a man who believes in giving others a second chance, and now I would like to have mine. Please allow me a day to prove my worth. Let me have free reign on the controls for a single day to help you help others. Should you interfere with my work on that day, then our agreement is void, and you will owe me a new favor of my choosing. I will not tell you which day I choose to have this reign, but you will know it when you see it. And I promise that, despite what I seem, I have both of our best intentions at heart.

Sincerely,

S

_(Break Scene)_

_Setting: Back in control room, present moment_

"So, let me get this straight G....", started J, "You think that the day S wants to have free reign over is today, and that these incendiary actions have been caused by him. Furthermore, you cannot stop the actions unless you want to owe him a new one, of which, you do not want to do."

"You've summed it up quite nicely, J. It seems I have to let him proceed, and that the earliest I can intervene is at morrow's dawn. I only wish I could understand why he chose this day, of all days, and understand his logic behind doing this."

"We'll I am sure that we could probably just go and ask him G. We both know that S can be a right tricky bastard, but he is not one to refuse to answer a question asked of him genuinely, especially due to his inherent hatred of liars."

"I like the way that you think J, but I have a better idea....let's make him come to us." replied G mirthfully.

G pressed the communications button in the Control Room, and ordered S to meet them there.

"Now we wait...", said G before taking a sip of his remaining drink.

All of a sudden, the door to the Control Room opened.

"You rang?", said S smirking.

"Come, sit....", G started. "I am surprised...."

"By my lack of using my flair to make an entrance?", interjected S. "Don't be...I've been busy today, and my energy is rather low right now. Thus, I cannot use any more of it to do the frivolous, but nevertheless fun, actions I choose to partake in."

"Well that too.....but, if you would let me finish then I can finish explaining."

S motioned for G to continue with his sentiments.

"J has just shown me some interesting footage...", started G, "That footage shows increasing amounts of individuals, all over the world, and each individual, it seems, has flamed trousers. These actions have your M.O. written all over them, and so we have already come to the conclusion that you are behind this. However, neither of us, know why. So please, if you would fill in the blanks...."

"Certainly.", said S. 

"For the last few millennia, I have had to listen to the both of you complain over the evils of the world, and how you could not wait to bring the good ones 'back into the fold'. And yet, it seems, that I am the only one out of the three of us who is pragmatic enough to see that your methods are flawed. The whole purpose of bringing the good ones 'back into the fold', so to speak, is to attempt to make the bad ones jealous enough to beg for forgiveness, so that they too may experience the same thing, is it not?

"Well, yes" replied G matter of factly.

" I see that we are getting nowhere with this....", said S with a sigh. All of a sudden he had an Eureka moment.

"Okay, here's what I need you to do.", continued S. "Imagine that you are one of the 'bad ones' and you see all these strangers around you vanishing into thin air. What will you do?"

"I'd pray and repent, hoping to be saved, and I being the merciful being I am would forgive them, and invite them back into the fold.", replied G.

"Omnipotence has blinded you G.", said S. "The 'bad ones' will not react like that, especially not when we do this your way, because you know things that they do not. All they will see is, as I stated before, strangers vanishing around them. Assuming they are logical creatures, of which I've met far more of those than not, the most likely course of action is that they will most likely think these strangers were abducted by aliens."

"Aliens?!" G guffawed. "We all know there is no such thing."

"Yeah, we do, but they don't. Why shouldn't they assume that aliens exist when there is more evidence pointing towards such creatures supposedly existing, than there is our own? Thus, that is the conclusion they will come to. It will send the remaining individuals into a panic, which will only cause them to go into a more survivalistic state. With that, as desperate times call for desperate measures, comes the baser actions that we look to prevent: lying, stealing, killing, etc. My version of this plan does not involve bringing the good 'back into the fold', but rather punishes the bad ones. This way, they may get an opportunity to reflect upon why they are punished, and alter their actions, so that, in the end they may be welcomed as well."

"You know that J and I told you to never implement that plan, S."

"Indeed, G. That's why I had to plan things out, so that I could."

"Plan it out? Ha! How could you've planned this out? This only happened because you got lucky."

"You seem so sure about that..." replied S haughtily. " You and your progeny both do. However, you should both know by now to not make a deal with me......"

"So, you truly didn't win by chance?! Does that not make both the contract and the favor null and void?" G asked.

"No on both accounts. You see, I stuck to the wording of the contract. However, you didn't read the fine print. Neither of you did. It had a clearly defined statement against me altering my own cards to help me win. It said nothing, though, about altering yours or J's to make both of you lose."

"We'll I'll be damned. You got the both of us good. But why go through all of this? Surely you didn't figure out the logistics of this all just to one up myself and J?"

"No I didn't. I'm damned not stupid, but now I feel a little less so. So now, G, J, I think I will bid you adieu."

"Where are you going S?", asked J.

"On vacation.....to celebrate", replied S.

"Celebrate what? Pulling one over us?", G laughed.

"Not specifically, no.", began S, "I'm a pragmatist, remember. I think things logically and plan for the future. What I'll be celebrating is my newly earned free time 100 years from now thanks to this situation."

S looked down, chuckled, and looked back up with a smirk on his visage.

"And when I am not doing that, then I'll be fantasizing about the frustration that will be on G's face when he realizes he has to deal with all of my reformed 'bad ones' that show up at his doorstep."

With that, he turned on his heel, and left the room.

As he trailed down the hallway, leading to and from the Control Room, he could hear G's voice following him, condemning him, and damning him.

He called out over his shoulder.

"Good luck with that....I'm already the King of the Damned. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some bags to go pack in Hell. If you need me for the next....oh, let's just say 165 years, then I'll be...."

S thought about it.

"Wait..... Why the hell should I tell you where I'll be? You're omnipotent......you'll figure it out."

And with that, S left in a flash of red smoke, thoughts whirling as he transported to his domain.

"Bora Bora....here I come!"


End file.
